Getting Over Someone: How to Heal a Broken Heart and Move Forward

The relationship is over, but your heart didn’t get the memo. You know logically that moving on is the right thing, but emotionally, you’re still attached. You think about them constantly. You check their social media. You replay conversations and wonder what went wrong. You feel physical pain in your chest where your heart is supposed to be.

Getting over someone you loved is one of the most difficult emotional experiences we face. There’s no switch to flip that turns off love or erases attachment. Healing happens gradually, often painfully, and in its own time. But with the right approach, you can move through this heartbreak and eventually emerge stronger and ready for what comes next.

Why Getting Over Someone Is So Hard

Understanding why heartbreak hurts so much can help you be patient with yourself during the process.

Your Brain on Heartbreak

Research shows that romantic rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain. This isn’t metaphor; your brain literally processes heartbreak like an injury. Additionally:

• Love creates addiction-like patterns in the brain
• Withdrawal from a partner mirrors withdrawal from substances
• Attachment hormones don’t shut off just because a relationship ended
• Your brain has to rewire neural pathways built around the relationship

The Loss Is Real

When a relationship ends, you lose more than a person:

• Daily routines and rituals
• A confidant and best friend
• Plans and dreams for the future
• Part of your identity
• Shared social connections
• A sense of security and belonging
• Physical affection and intimacy

These are genuine losses that require genuine grief.

Time and Investment

The more time you spent together and the more you invested in the relationship, the harder it is to let go. You’re not just mourning the relationship; you’re mourning years of your life, choices made, and opportunities not taken.

The Stages of Getting Over Someone

While everyone’s process is different, most people move through similar stages.

Shock and Denial

In the immediate aftermath:

• Disbelief that it’s really over
• Expecting them to reach out
• Feeling numb or disconnected
• Going through motions mechanically

Desperation

As reality sets in:

• Intense desire to get them back
• Urges to call, text, or show up
• Bargaining about what you could change
• Difficulty accepting it’s really over

Deep Pain

The full weight of the loss:

• Profound sadness
• Difficulty functioning normally
• Physical symptoms of heartbreak
• Crying spells
• Sleep and appetite changes

Anger

Often arriving later:

• Resentment toward your ex
• Anger at yourself
• Frustration at the situation
• Recognition of how you were hurt

Acceptance

Gradually emerging:

• Understanding that it’s truly over
• Beginning to see a future without them
• Moments of peace and even relief
• Starting to feel like yourself again

Moving Forward

Eventually:

• Genuine interest in life again
• Openness to new possibilities
• Ability to think about them without intense pain
• Readiness to build a new chapter

Practical Strategies for Getting Over Someone

These evidence-based approaches can help you heal more effectively.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Don’t rush or suppress your feelings:

• Crying is healing, not weakness
• Sadness is an appropriate response to loss
• Give yourself permission to not be okay
• Set aside time to feel your feelings rather than constantly distracting

Limit Contact

Distance helps break attachment:

• Consider no contact with your ex, at least temporarily
• Unfollow or mute them on social media
• Avoid places you’re likely to see them
• Stop checking their online activity
• Remove constant reminders from your space

Every interaction or peek at their life reopens the wound.

Resist the Urge to Reach Out

When you desperately want to contact them:

• Call a friend instead
• Write unsent letters
• Wait 24 hours before acting on the urge
• Remind yourself why you’re not together
• Stay busy with an engaging activity

The urge will pass, and you’ll be glad you didn’t reach out.

Take Care of Your Body

Physical self-care supports emotional healing:

• Maintain regular sleep schedules even when sleep is difficult
• Eat nutritious foods even when you have no appetite
• Exercise regularly; it releases endorphins and reduces rumination
• Limit alcohol and substances that can worsen emotions
• Get outside and into nature

Process Through Writing

Journaling helps you work through feelings:

• Write about your emotions without censoring
• Explore what you learned from the relationship
• Document what you want in the future
• Track your progress over time

Challenge Idealization

Your mind may glorify your ex and the relationship:

• Make a list of their flaws and the relationship’s problems
• Remember why it ended
• Question whether your memories are accurate
• Recognize that you’re missing an edited version, not the full reality

Build Your Support Network

Lean on others during this time:

• Share your feelings with trusted friends
• Spend time with people who care about you
• Join support groups if helpful
• Don’t isolate yourself

Create New Routines

Your daily life is full of reminders. Create new patterns:

• Rearrange your living space
• Try new restaurants instead of “your” places
• Build new rituals for times you used to spend together
• Explore new activities and interests

Focus on Yourself

Use this time for personal growth:

• Pursue interests you neglected during the relationship
• Set and work toward personal goals
• Reconnect with parts of yourself you lost
• Invest in your own development

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself through the process:

• Speak to yourself as you would to a grieving friend
• Don’t criticize yourself for how long it’s taking
• Accept that some days will be harder than others
• Recognize that healing isn’t linear

What Not to Do

Some common responses actually make healing harder.

Don’t Rush into a Rebound

While a new relationship might temporarily distract from pain:

• You can’t heal wounds you’re covering up
• You might hurt someone else
• You may choose poorly from a vulnerable place
• The pain will still be waiting

Don’t Make Major Decisions

Your judgment is compromised right now:

• Avoid impulsive moves, career changes, or major purchases
• Don’t make permanent changes based on temporary pain
• Give yourself time before restructuring your life

Don’t Stalk Their Social Media

Checking up on them keeps you stuck:

• Each look reopens the wound
• What you see often makes things worse
• You’re getting an edited version, not reality
• It prevents moving forward

Don’t Self-Medicate

Alcohol, drugs, or other numbing behaviors:

• Postpone but don’t eliminate pain
• Create additional problems
• Interfere with genuine healing
• Risk developing unhealthy patterns

Don’t Try to Stay Friends Immediately

If friendship is ever possible, it’s not possible yet:

• You need time and distance to heal first
• Friendship can develop later if appropriate
• Right now, it keeps you attached
• Genuine friendship requires being over them

Don’t Blame Yourself Entirely

Relationships end for many reasons:

• Both people contribute to what happens
• Incompatibility isn’t anyone’s fault
• Their issues are not your responsibility
• Don’t accept all the blame

How Long Does It Take?

There’s no universal timeline for getting over someone. Factors that affect duration include:

• Length of the relationship
• Depth of attachment
• How it ended
• Whether you wanted it to end
• Your support system
• Previous relationship history
• Whether you’ve done healing work

Some research suggests that significant recovery often occurs within three to six months, though deeper healing may take longer. If you’re still struggling intensely after many months, or if your functioning is significantly impaired, consider professional support.

Signs You’re Healing

Progress often happens gradually, but signs of healing include:

• Longer stretches without thinking about them
• Ability to talk about them without intense emotion
• Genuine interest in activities and other people
• Feeling like yourself again
• Less urge to check up on them
• Ability to see the relationship clearly
• Openness to the future
• Moments of relief or even gratitude that it ended

When You’re Not Ready

Sometimes we try to get over someone we’re not actually ready to release:

• You might not have fully processed the relationship
• There might be unfinished business
• You might be holding onto hope
• The grief work might not be done

It’s okay to not be ready. Recognizing where you are is more helpful than pretending to be further along.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider therapy if:

• You’re unable to function normally for extended periods
• You’re having thoughts of self-harm
• You’re using substances to cope
• You’re stuck and can’t seem to move forward
• The breakup triggered deeper issues
• You notice unhealthy patterns across relationships

A therapist can help you process the loss, understand relationship patterns, and develop healthier coping strategies.

Looking Toward the Future

Right now, it’s hard to imagine feeling better, let alone loving someone new. But millions of people have walked this path before you and come out the other side. They loved again, laughed again, and built lives they couldn’t have imagined in the depths of heartbreak.

The pain you’re feeling is temporary, even though it doesn’t feel that way. Each day, even the bad ones, moves you further along the healing path. The person you’re becoming through this experience will be wiser, stronger, and better prepared for what comes next.

You loved someone. That’s not a mistake; it’s an act of courage. That the relationship ended doesn’t diminish what you gave or what you’re capable of giving in the future. Your heart will heal, and when it does, it will still be capable of loving fully and deeply again.

For now, take it one day at a time. Feel what you need to feel. Take care of yourself. And trust that you will get through this.

This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you’re struggling significantly with heartbreak or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider for personalized support.